Summer in the Canyon

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2011-03-24T08:57:00.001-07:00

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Color of Fall

2010-11-19T09:11:00.000-08:00

It is amazing to me to learn how much I missed out on by never really experiencing the change in seasons until I moved up here to North Carolina. The chill in the air and the color in the trees is simply amazing. I recently got a new polarizer filter for my birthday and have been experimenting with it. I love the fall. The color is spectacular. All of these were taken on the same day. It is just kind of amazing to see the variety and diversity seen in the uniqueness of each shot. Enjoy!

The Illusion of Winter

2010-11-10T06:26:00.001-08:00

I recently entered the Duke Art's Festival that was held for 2 weeks in the Bryan Center. I entered three pictures and was recently made aware that I had won an award. I received honorable mention in the category of best in show and even received a small monetary award! Wow, ya crazy. This picture will be hung for the rest of the school year in either the Bryan Center or the Allen building on campus (they haven't told me yet). Let me make something clear, this is amateur photography! Anyone could have taken this picture. I have learned that photography is more about being at the right place at the right time. Great Photographers, I think, just know when to be there and do it consistently.

This picture was taken in Santa Monica, California in December of 2009. I was out on a trip visiting some friends from college and had finally gotten someone to take me over to the famous Santa Monica pier. My friend Nick and I headed out a little after breakfast so he could go surfing for a while and then we made our way up to the pier. California, at least this area has done something amazing, they have created biking trails that go up and down the entire beach. We decided to rent bikes and rode all the way down to Venice beach. It was really only like 2 miles. This was probably the most relaxing day of my entire trip. I took a number of other pictures that day of the Sunset, but they were fairly generic and were more touristy pictures than anything. This was my first time visiting California.

As we were riding back we were quickly realizing that we were running out of time. If we didn't make it back we were going to have to be late to return the rented bikes and get charged for another whole day. We went over this small bridge while riding bikes, I looked to my left and was completely stunned. California had captured my attention. I am not really what this little waterway is from, I imagined some time of water runoff, but since it doesn't rain much, I really don't know. Either way, it was kind of amazing, as you can tell and even though we were running late, I decided to stop. I want to point out that Nick who actually had a nice camera at the time and is fairly artistic did not stop. I took my Canon 870IS, which was dangling around my wrist and took a few different pictures at different exposures. I had never heard of shutter speed, aperture, or single lens reflex. My camera was a fairly decent handheld, but alas was still a point and shoot. I point this out because a few of my friends have been asking me about what kind of camera that I use.
The only modification I did to this picture was raise the saturation, removed some of the highlights, and raised contrast. I then sent it over to Adobe Photoshop and turned it into black and white. Some how in between last December and now I lost the original copy but had this one saved online. It isn't the highest quality as you can see in the degradation around the blacks, but apparently the artist who visited Duke to judge, liked what "effect

I now have a Canon T1i, which I am in love with and I don't think I will ever be able to go back to a point and shoot for anything other than, well actually nothing. I am saying that you should really get out there and try to see what you can do with your point and shoot before you take the plunge into multiple lens, filters, and more information than you really needed to know. With a little bit of luck you might find something like I did. Just be at the right place at the right time.

NC State Fair Pics

2010-11-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

Gator Tail!!!

Great time at the fair. Only had a few hours, but can't imagine what it would have been like if I would have had more time to get some better pics of the locals...

Krispy Kreme Burger for the police..

Don't even ask me how I feel about this

This either

Note that he has a pacifier on his keychain

Notice that the date and that this couldn't have been the first time they ever wore these...Ya, ridiculous

Hiking on the Eno

2010-10-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

I got lucky again. These were taken the other day on a hike out to Bobbits Hole on the Eno. I was attempting to get a shot of the water, with the really flowy cool water effect where it looks whispy. I got there too late and the sun was already too bright. I then spent a few hours studying and sleeping in my hammock before heading home. On the way in I had my camera out and just fell upon a couple amazing opporunities. Most of the leaves haven't changed yet, but this first one is of the most favorite pictures I have ever taken. Enjoy

Just a little camping at the Beach

2010-10-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

I am having more and more fun using my Canon T1i. All of these were taken on a 18-55mm kit lens. Pretty basic.

Here are some pics that I took at Carolina Beach over Fall Break. I really didn't spent much time taking pictures and really feel like I get lucky half the time. I am definitely an amateur,

but am fairly proud of these... More to come!

Duke Arts Festival Submissions

2010-09-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

So, I have decided to enter two pieces of photography to the Duke Arts Fesitval. After a lot of thought, in the midst of two mid-terms, I have decided to enter these two pieces. The first, I obviously used photoshop to create an effect, which I don't generally like, but have come to terms with because I think that it really does justice to the picture enlivens the scene.

The second, I haven't completely decided but will most likely be the one below the lake picture. I have been pressured to submit it, so we will see how things go. They will both be on display in the Bryan Center from Oct. 22 - Nov. 7. I hope you get to check out all of the work that has been done. I don't expect to win anything, but figured it was worth a shot and it will be a chance to get my photography framed.

Also, the first picture was taken at Navajo Lake in Utah, near Bryce Canyon National Park right after sunset. The person by the lake is my friend Christine who I spent the summer working with. The picture was taken with a measly Canon SD 870 IS.

The 2nd picture was taken about 1.5 months ago with my Canon EOS Rebel T1i with a 50mm lens, 3.2 aperture, 1/60 exposure at my friend Don and Amy's house. Picture is Don trying to be funny, but in effect created an awesome background.

Hope you enjoy and wish me luck

Big Tent Christianity

2010-09-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

I have spent the past 2 days here at the bigtentchristianity.com conference. It has been a great 2 days of hearing from different theologians, pastors, professors, and writers. I have learned a lot that I hope to share at some point. Keep your eyes open to the website for audio and video from the conference. Great info on what is happening in the Emerging culture and the Great Emergence of the Church.

Lake Gibson UMC Sermon

2010-09-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

Some of you have been asking to here my sermon from a few weeks ago. This is the first time I preached in my home church of Lake Gibson United Methodist Church. I hope you enjoy it.

It may take a minute to load so just be patient. Thanks

2010-09-03T05:53:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I am going to try to upload a few pictures here every week if I get time. I am really starting to have fun experimenting with my camera (Canon T1i) and learning new things about photography. These are some pictures from the last year that I have taken that never seemed to find their way on to my blog. These are actually some of my favorites and I hope you enjoy them.

Sunset over Everglades City

Sunset of Los Angeles from Griffith Park

Mirrored Sunset on the way back from Venice Beach. Luckiest picture ever

Antelope Island and The Great Salt Lake in December

Bryce Canyon, taken from Bryce Point, (I think)

Photography from Life in between

2010-08-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

I have really been enjoying my camera lately. I bought a Canon T1i back in January and have slowly getting used to it and learning how to use a DSLR. It has been a lot of fun to use. Here are a few photos that I have taken recently and thought I might share. I am pretty sure that this blog is going to transform into photos from different things I happen to do in life.

2nd Year of Divinity School starts again on August 30th. Here we go!!!!

I need an opinion. Full Color!

Or Black and White?

Elephant Ears

Sarah's favorite giant airplant

Again

Its freaking huge

Happy!

Lakeland/ Hollis Gardens

A little RoboRally with some old friends

Express conveyor belts! I am such a nerd

The End of Good Things

2010-08-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

Preaching for the last time in Arapahoe

Family Picture

Being Hannah

We all matched... incidentally

Last Day at camp with Sarah

New Best Friends

There is always something holding us back

Seems neverending

2010-07-24T10:43:00.001-07:00

2010-07-24T08:17:00.003-07:00

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2010-07-24T08:17:00.001-07:00

2010-07-23T16:49:00.001-07:00

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2010-07-23T16:44:00.001-07:00

A girl came and visited me

2010-07-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Sarah was able to come visit me for a few days. I surprised her by taking her to the Pine Knoll Shore's Aquarium. It wasn't the most extravagant one I have I ever been too, but at $8 per person, it was well worth it.

The rest of the pictures are from downtown New Bern. Does it remind you of a Nicholas Sparks book? Well, that's because he lives there and most of his novels are based on this area. Weird!? We walked around downtown for a while before having a fantastic dinner at The Chelsea. We only had burgers, but I promised myself to go back sometime and eat a real dinner. The Seafood Filet would have satisfied my appetite, but would have came in at about $32 (Filet Mignon stuffed with Lobster and Crab Meat).

I really love my new camera and can't resist taking pictures of almost everything so be prepared to keep seeing more. This might turn into more of a photography blog more than anything else.

Camp is almost over and I am soaking in the last 2 weeks before a great vacation to Florida and the relaxing weeks before starting school. Summer is beginning to dwindle away and I am ready for normalcy, but not for papers and exams. Oh well.

Sarah really liked the Shark tank a lot!

and the Jellyfish, They are her favorite

I think she just realized that I take lots of pictures and that she is now going to be a model

This is from 2 weeks ago out at the Eno River

Defender's Cup Regatta

2010-07-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

This last week has been a fun week of family camp. This means much more relaxing for me and less things to do. There have been lots of sailing going on as well as some recuperating from this crazy summer. These are some pictures from the Defender's Cup Sailing Regatta. This regatta raised over $2000 per entry. Some participants raised the money themselves via facebook and friends while others paid the entry fee. All monies are going towards the much needed sailing center.

A few photos

2010-07-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Campers sailing on Flying Scots

I found a jellyfish off the pier. I know someone might appreciate this.

Myself and Hannah as suspects in a real life game of Clue

Swim Buddies During the first week of camp

I just had to put this one on here. Best weekend all summer!

This is from the Durham Bull's game on the 4th of July

A Different Experience

2010-07-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

I love camp! I freely admit that although I am having a great summer here at Don Lee I really miss my camp back in Florida. Warren W. Willis Summer Camp is one of the places I consider home and I truly to miss being there. It is interesting because I left my last summer knowing that I would never go back as a counselor. I was graduating and moving on in life and I was ok with that. This summer has really reminded me of all of the things that I loved about camp and by that I mean "my camp".

It has been a very interesting experience being here at Don Lee because of my extremely narrow view of camp ministry. Don Lee is not a bible camp. It is not an evangelical, bring your church group, and get your kids saved kind of camp. Don Lee has been described to me as a sailing camp with where tradition and faith intersect. Faith and Spirituality is a part of everything that we do here. It is the underlying current that moves us along. It took quite a while for me to see it and understand what that means.

I am not Mr. Superevangelical and amongst many of my friends from undergrad I am quite the opposite, but I have struggled with the lack of evangelicalism here. At WWW we had worship every night, small groups (bible study) twice a day, usually some other kind of Christian teaching time and praise time every day. Everything built up to Thursday nights in which we would have a time for commitment for those who were wanting to commit their life to Christ. It is especially meaningful to me because it was in 4th grade that I walked up to the altar in the Graham-Sapp Chapel and Warren W. Willis Camp and committed my life to Christ. It was in 7th grade that I remember recommitting my life. It was in 10th grade or so that I felt my call into ministry. And February 2009 that I again heard my call into ministry and God began ushering me towards Duke and calling me back towards Himself. That time of commitment, that time of being talked to about God and my relationship with Christ was something that was very meaningful and impactful in my life. My experience was meaningful to me and valid, but was only meant for me and during a very certain time in my life. By bringing that into what we are doing now and expecting everyone to have the same experience that I had at camp is denying the mystery that God is working in all of our lives. I am now the one helping provide this experience for the staff or the campers and am participating in God's work.

Something that I have had to learn here is that these counselors and staff members have grown up having a very different experience. They have grown up going to a camp where they have seen God in a very different way. It has not been as explicit as my camp experience, but they still want the campers to see God here. This is a place where the Don Lee staff have seen God and continue to see God, year after year. Don Lee is a special place is a place that campers, staff and volunteers encounter God. It is a place that kids get to learn about sailing, cooking in the woods, how to fish, how to kayak and canoe, and how to build camp fires. Don Lee is a place where kids are taught to see God in everything that they do. Maybe I need to start living my life as less of an explicit ministry, but simply start living and let Christ's ministry flow through me.

Storytelling

2010-06-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

The staff have finally arrived. Training has started and camp is almost in full swing. This means long days, short nights and lots of tired mornings. My role this summer largely has to do with helping plan out the worship of camp, which we also do during staff training. As I said previously, I really want to impact the campers by helping the counselors to develop their own personal spiritual lives. These worship times this week are designed to impact the counselors personally and help them to see their time here as a time of growth and spiritual development.

This week, we will spend lots of time getting to know each other and essentially tell our story. This is especially true for myself because I really have never met anyone here before besides my co-intern Hannah. Many of the counselors have been going here their entire lives and have some of their best friends here at camp. They know each others story, but it is also their job to share that story with the people around them in order to bring this staff together as a community.

Sunday night we had our first worship service. We, for the first time came together as a community to point our lives and our minds back towards God. The summer our primary focus is on the campers and camper safety, but what we often forget about is that we are really here because God placed us here for to serve Him. We are not here for ourselves, but for God. To start off the summer we decided to use the worship story to allow God to speak to us. We used no words, no videos, no elaborate sermon, but we just used what God had given to us. We decided to enter into the part of God's story when he first gave us life, when he first gave life to all of creation.

John, the camp director, had seen a pantomime, similar to what we performed on Sunday night. He offered up this idea and we immediately grabbed on and decided to make it work. I put some pictures below to give you an idea, but basically we were going to visually tell the story of creation. The story where God first created the world and imparted God's likeness on humanity. The story ended with the fall of humanity on day six. Adam could no longer commune with God and it wasn't until God reached back out to Adam and offered up a free gift, the cup of salvation and bread of life, that Adam was able to again touch God. Then "God" and "Adam" (maybe a little theologically unsound) offered up the Eucharist to the rest of the community. It was an amazing presentation and I may be able to post the video at some point once it gets edited. It really allowed the counselors to be reminded that we are all part of God's story. We may not have come here for all the right reasons. Maybe some of the counselors are here to have fun, to meet a girl, to go sailing, or to just have a job for the summer. The truth is though, that God brought all of us here for a reason.. This worship service truly helped remind all of us why we are here. It allowed the staff to begin to see themselves as ministers and part of this larger narrative that God has invited us into.

Another moment in the last few days that I really enjoyed seeing God work was through our Encounters time. Encounters is going to be our experiential bible storytelling time. (Christian education program) It is not supposed to be complicated or hard, but just something that is interactive and fun for the students to learn something about themselves and about God.

We decided to move forward with this idea with creation and this Encounter will actually be the same one that campers will encounter on their first Monday of camp. This first one has kind of been my thing and I took it on as my own. It was truly amazing to see it all come together and to see how God was truly working through all of it. We invited everyone into the CLC (Christian Life Center aka the hottest place on camp property). We opened with one praise song for the sake of time and then began the activity. We had set up six sheets of butcher paper with paint. Each group had been given 2 banners and would artistically (maybe) depict what they perceived that day of creation would look like. I literally just sat back in amazement in everything working a million times better than I had imagined. It was really cool to see an idea come to life. To see the staff interacting with each other talking about their vision of creation, their interpretation, and what they imagined that it might look like. After they all finished (even though I cut them short) I had them come up to the stage and in order the would stand on the stage, recite their portion of Genesis 1 and then the next would come up. It truly was moving to see how the interacted with God's story and with each other. Ideally there would be a debrief time and discussions within the group, but as usual we were out of time.

I really like this idea of telling God's story through our own eyes and allowing others to speak into that story. We all don't see things the same way, we have different mental images of what things look like and how they all work together. Some people might not think that this kind of activity really counts as "teaching time," but I think it honestly might work even better sometimes. It allows a group to work together, to dialogue with one another in order to play a part in the story. The enter into it themselves and truly become part of God's narrative.

Becoming acquainted and prepared

2010-06-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

If it hasn't been apparent from my lack of ability to
write and update my blog, things have definitely started to pick up. For a few days I definitely felt like I nothing else to add because I was kind of just doing little things here and there trying to just be patient and wait for staff to arrive. The past 2 weeks and have been about preparing myself for a summer full of fun and excitement, but also one of fear, frustration and exhaustion. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am somewhat more reserved than some people, I don't speak up as much in large groups, but really thrive in conversation with those in smaller group settings or even one on one. Last summer I really forced myself and learned how to be, lets say, more extroverted. I have realized that there are times in my life where I simply need to overcome my own personality and throw myself out there. Camp is one of those places or communities where it is essential to build relationships as fast as possible. I will only have 8 weeks to build relationships and minister to these staff members. I know that in general it takes me more time to develop or friendship that is able to go deeper and therefore just have to force myself way out of my comfort zone. I am not allowed to just sit by and wait for people to introduce themselves to me or ask me questions.

So, I have spent these last 2 weeks trying to get to know the sailing staff that are already here and just pray for the strength and energy to develop deeper relationships more quickly than normal.
Another big thing I have been praying about this summer so far is just my need to be open to a different way of doing things. I really feel like God might be calling me towards this sort of camp and retreat ministry. I am still unsure, but camp ministry has had a huge impact on my life and walk of faith. After conversations with my old camp directors and the field ed. office at Duke, I realize how important it would be for me to broaden my perspective on what camp is. Camp at Don Lee is almost in every way, completely opposite from my experience. I know exactly how camp works at Warren W. Willis in Florida, but my experience so far is very narrow. My struggle so far has been in understanding and grasping concepts that I don't necessarily agree with or would do differently. Not that they do things wrong here or theologically unsound, but it is just different than I am used to. Restructuring my way of thinking has been a challenge for me. I want this place to become a place that I can also call "home", just like I do Warren W. Willis.

Camp is really all about the kids. It always will be and that will never change. But, for me, and especially this summer more than any other, I try to focus on the counselors. These are late high school and college students who have come here to have fun, to play with kids, to sail, and to be in a place they love. My goal is to help them see beyond all that to see the opportunity that they themselves have for personal spiritual growth while here. We used to say at WWW that our counselor ministry is the best and most intentional college ministry in the world. I honestly feel like there is no greater opportunity to help develop the spiritual lives of our college students than while they are at camp. It is a time when we can be intentional every single day about our spiritual lives. These counselors are spending 23 hours a day with campers. They are feeding into their lives, mentoring them, being their friend, talking with them, and loving on them. They are the real ministers here at camp. It isn't the directors, the year round staff, but the counselors or the ones interacting with the kids on the ground level. I could never meet every kid, and neither will the directors or other staff. But, if we reach into the lives of our counselors to help them with spiritual development through personal practices or simply being available then we can allow God to speak through us in a new way.

One thing that we as the worship team (mainly Melissa), have done for the staff was to create a space that is theirs. There is a building down by the river that is supposed to be a chapel, but was really nothing more than a glorified meeting space/ storage room. The faded washed out pink walls were horrendous. There were spider webs, dust and just a bunch of random things that didn't seem to have found their proper place. Melissa made it her mission to not only clean it out, but to re-envision what it means to have a place of worship as a staff member. A place of prayer. After some cleaning the decision was made that we desperately needed to paint the chapel. It is amazing how transformative a layer of primer and two layers of paint can be. The room instantly went from being a unbearable sight of washed out pink to a place of serenity and calm. We have now added, rugs, floor pillows and an altar made out of driftwood (made by Will Cooper). There are contemplative prayer sources, bibles, and we hope to have candles and music playing. This will be a place to rest, sleep if needed (it has A/C), and to connect with God.

Where I live

2010-05-25T17:59:00.000-07:00

Yep, thats right, this is where I live. If you remember look at pictures from last summer, you will notice the upgrade in accommodations. Thank goodness because I couldn't have done that again. Knotty Pines was a little bit too small. hopefully a little more writing to come tomorrow.

Beginnings of a good summer

2010-05-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

I don't have tons of time to write much. Things are going really well. I went to church on Sunday and was introduced to everyone. I have been staying with Melissa and Will Cooper so far. They are great and have been incredibly hospitable. We all watched Lost together Sunday night and if you are a Lost fan and didn't cry then you don't have a heart. I would say more, but I will wait until later in the summer after I re-watch it hopefully with a certain person. All I can say is that I loved it and it satisfied 6 years of commitment.

I am probably staying here on property for the first time tonight in my awesome trailer (pictures will have to come later tonight when I get better internet. I have really enjoyed being here. Right now my main goal is to help plan and write curriculum for our Encounters time. I will also play a large role in just coordinating our theme throughout all aspects of teaching and worship (kind of like what my role at Warren Willis was, but with not having to worry about games. After this stuff gets done I hope to focus more on the spiritual development of the staff and counselors.

It is amazing how much God has been working in my life lately. This is exactly the place that I am supposed to be. I miss Durham a lot and my friends there, but am excited to have this opportunity to sort out my calling. Thanks for the prayers you have all been praying. I really appreciate the support.

I need to get some work done, but just wanted to give a quick update.

Camp Don Lee

2010-05-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, its been forever since I have posted, but I figured I might get this going again since I am going to be away all summer. I'm not going back to the canyon, but like my blog title and figured I would just go with the flow.

For those of you who don't know I will be at Camp Don Lee in Arapahoe, NC for the summer. It is a United Methodist camp on the coast of North Carolina. Not quite the outer banks, but almost. I am really excited to be at the beach, but even more importantly I'm excited to be at a camp. It will be an interesting experience being at camp, but I don't think I will be able to call it "camp" because that is this wonderful place in Florida that has been a big part of my life and will always be the only "camp" for me.

This is my first official Field Ed. placement through Duke Divinity School and I will be serving at the camp for 10 weeks. My primary personal goal is to build relationships with the counselors and be a sort of chaplain for them. I want to be a person that they feel comfortable coming to when they need guidance, advice, someone to talk to, or just someone to hang out with. I'm really excited to be working with one of my best friends Hannah Terry and we will be living in back to back RV's. I am going to bring chairs and hopefully create some sort of hang out area by our RV's for people to just come and feel welcome to be themselves and relax.

I really don't know exactly what all I will be doing, but will probably be helping finish up curriculum and help out with programming. I will take part in leading morning devotions, worship at night, and with our Christian ed. time during the day. I am also connected with 2 churches that Hannah will mainly focus on and am currently planning on preaching a week from tomorrow to kind of introduce myself to everyone.

I could not have asked for a better placement this summer and am excited to see how God is going to work through me this summer. I am pretty nervous about starting and having to meet tons of people. I really enjoy camp and getting to know college students, but kind of makes me nervous just to have such an influx of people I don't know. It should be fun though. Please keep me in your prayers for the next few weeks. Camp doesn't start officially for a few more weeks. I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to serve here.

More to come. Hopefully I will do a better job than last summer

Dark Night of the Soul

2010-03-02T11:38:00.000-08:00

Loreena McKennitt - The dark night of the soul

Upon a darkened night
the flame of love was burning in my breast
And by a lantern bright
I fled my house while all in quiet rest

Shrouded by the night
and by the secret stair I quickly fled
The veil concealed my eyes
while all within lay quiet as the dead

Chorus
Oh night thou was my guide
oh night more loving than the rising sun
Oh night that joined the lover
to the beloved one
transforming each of them into the other

Upon that misty night
in secrecy, beyond such mortal sight
Without a guide or light
than that which burned so deeply in my heart

That fire t'was led me on
and shone more bright than of the midday sun
To where he waited still
it was a place where no one else could come

Chorus

Within my pounding heart
which kept itself entirely for him
He fell into his sleep
beneath the cedars all my love I gave
And by the fortress walls
the wind would brush his hair against his brow
And with its smoothest hand
caressed my every sense it would allow

Chorus

I lost myself to him
and laid my face upon my lovers breast
And care and grief grew dim
as in the mornings mist became the light
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair

Loreena writes in the CD booklet about this song:

May, 1993 - Stratford ... have been reading through the poetry of 15th century Spain, and I find myself drawn to one by the mystic writer and visionary St. John of the Cross; the untitled work is an exquisite, richly metaphoric love poem between himself and his god. It could pass as a love poem between any two at any time ... His approach seems more akin to early Islamic or Judaic works in its more direct route to communication to his god ... I have gone over three different translations of the poem, and am struck by how much a translation can alter our interpretation. Am reminded that most holy scriptures come to us in translation, resulting in a diversity of views.

Music by Loreena McKennitt
Lyrics by St. John of the Cross (San Juan de la Cruz), arr. and adapted by Loreena McKennitt
From: The mask and mirror (1994).

I used this song this morning in my spiritual formation group. I was supposed to present the spiritual discipline of solitude.

This song speaks to me especially because I feel like the last 1.5 years have been the darkest years of my life. I have worked a normal full time job. I moved to a new place. I was forced to make new friends. I found a new church. I quit my job. I decided to go out west. I went back to school. I made new friends again. I started a new life.

I find myself constantly bogged down amidst the business of life. My mom says that I am just like her. "I never have enough to do and am constantly adding things on." I have more reading and writing that I will ever be able to do. My problem is that I am also fairly involved in my church. I get to church early to help set up a couple times a month. I stay late after church to eat dinner with my friends. I am very unwilling to turn down "being in community" to study, read, or write. I am not a good student. I could be, but recently I just haven't had the drive. I'm not sure what has changed. I just feel extremely worn down.

This morning refreshed my mind and my spirit. Listening to that song reminded me that in the darkness of night, God can heal.

I feel like I am such on edge right now. Last night I had a confrontation that really set me off and pushed me over the edge. It shouldn't have bothered me, but I ended up snapping at two of my friends rather harshly and got really frustrated. I had to just walk away. I took a shower and went straight to bed. I tried to read, but realized that I just need to let God envelop me for a moment.

The last verse:

Losing myself to God. What does that look like? What does it mean? Last night it meant laying in my bed and crying out to him for help. How often do I cry out to God? Last night I was angry, I was desperate, I needed my savior. I always need my savior and it is one thing that I too often overlook. I know that this post seems dim and depressing, but its not. It is in God that I find a glimmer of hope. I don't know who reads this, but I am writing this today for me and all of the other people who are amidst the "Dark Night of the Soul."

Richard Foster in Celebration of Discipline challenges us to live into the silence, and live into the moments.

He writes "The dark night is one of the ways God brings us into a hush, a stillness so that he may work an inner transformation upon the soul."

Missing the Canyon

2010-03-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

I have been away from Bryce Canyon for about 6 1/2 months. I began looking at some pictures last night of my adventures and realized how extremely lucky and blessed that I was to have experienced Bryce Canyon.

Things I miss the most:

Hoodoos

The General Store

Ruby's

Ruby's Campground Hot Tub

Off-roading

The Pizza Place

My Bryce Canyon Family

Sheeeeweeeeeee

Checking for stupid ID's in the gen. store

Hiking

Preaching

Meeting tons of random people every day

Getting a threat written on my door

Watching the Office

Playing spades

Talking on the phone all the time

The Silence

The Solitude

I know that I wrote about Solitude before, but I think that it is the thing that I have truly missed the most about Bryce. In the past few weeks I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed by the exhaustion and messiness of school. Sometimes I wish I just would have stayed out West. Life seemed so much simpler this summer. Utah is the most beautiful place I have ever been with some of the most interesting people. I spend all my time inside, reading, watching tv, trying to sleep. I honestly just want to hike. Not even that I want to hike because I could do that here, but I simply desire to be in the canyon. The red rock, the tall pines, the blistering sun, the hail storms, the sandy dried up river beds. That is where I desire to be. Working 8 hours a day and forgetting about it.

Looking back, I feel like I wished away my summer. I longed to come home to Durham. I longed to see a girl. I longed to be in the real world. Looking back, I wish I would have gone up to the rim of the canyon just one more time. I wish I would have gone on one more hike through the towering pillars of red rock and sandstone. I miss the stars. Millions, billions, or stars. Here I never even look up because there is nothing to see. This summer, every night I would drive back to my dorm I would get out of my truck and be astounded by the beauty in the sky. I was amazed every single time. I miss being able to just be alone. Not that I can't do that here, but its just not the same.

I long for the sense of self that I gained this summer. I was finally able to exceed my own expectations, I was able to in a sense recreate myself. I was finally able to be the person I desire to be and the person God desires me to be. I really miss being in a place where no one has preconceived notions of who you are or what to expect from you.

Last summer, was the best summer of my life. I gained of sense of who I am, who God wants me to be and was able to truly experience solitude in a way that allowed me to truly be in communion with God.

Amazing Summer!!!

2009-07-31T17:25:00.000-07:00

Wow, its been a long time since I have updated this. Things have been going well and crazy at the same time. Our Internet is pretty unreliable and my computer is now being shipped off to be fixed by Apple.
no excuse for not writing more, but oh well.

Things with the ministry in the park have been fantastic. Dan and I get along really well and it has been nice to have such great support from our friends and co-workers. Our group of friends hang out all the time and there is a pretty group of about 7 employees that consistently come to Sunday services. I have really enjoyed preaching every other week, since one of our team members left we have had much more face time during the services.

Preaching is interesting. It is something that I enjoy and that I think I do well at, but is very taxing and takes a lot out of me. Maybe if I would plan ahead a little more and stop waiting til the last minute it wouldn't take so much out of me.

I only have two weeks left and have so much still to do. We had the best weekend ever camping in Zion National Park. My friends, Dan, Rebecca, Christine, and Shi-Wei all went camping. We hiked Angel's Landing (pictures to come), and then found an awesome unknown swimming hole. It was on a tiny little creek, but was about 8 feet deep and we had a 7 foot rock to jump off of. We had to actually climb over huge rocks and boulders to get up to it, and even climbed through a small waterfall to get there. The campsite was amazing as well because we were right next to the Virgin River and allowed us to cool off very quickly after setting up our camp.

We have so much fun that we are headed back on Sunday after church and are taking two more employees with us, who are two Taiwanese students who have been coming to our bible study. I am really excited about them coming. We are going to hike the Narrows which is a small gorge about 10 feet wide at the widest point, I think and has cliffs above us about 200o feet high. It is going to be a great weekend.

And next weekend my parents will be out here for a few days to see Zion and come to visit Bryce as well. There are so many things to do before I leave. I am sad about leaving, but at the same time am extremely excited and anxious to get home to all see all my friends and church family.

This has been the best summer of my life and the best decision I ever made was to come out here to Bryce Canyon National Park..Once in a lifetime type of experience..ok.back to work and more to come later..

Pictures

2009-06-18T09:05:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't have facebook. Here are links to all of my pictures that I have posted so far. Enjoy and I promise I will write soon. I have been busy doing ministry stuff, working all the time, getting promoted, and trying to get financial aid for Duke. Thanks for all the support and prayer.

Willis Creek Narrows
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2033047&id=70700373&l=d95360ca19

The General Store
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2033046&id=70700373&l=0d7da0e007

Calf Creek Falls
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032952&id=70700373&l=3e51151d11

Cedar City Trip and Sunset
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032881&id=70700373&l=81abba9142

Bryce Canyon #1
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032249&id=70700373&l=76948c62db

There are a lot more to come, I just haven't had time to upload them yet.

It's been a while

2009-06-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

Sorry, its been so long since my last post. Our internet has been down in my dorm for about 5 days now and before that I just kept forgetting to come and write. I have a lot to say, but will try and keep this short and then write more tomorrow.

Since last time I updated a ton has happened. I have made some great friends and I really feel like I have a family here of sorts. The "girls" as I like to refer to them as, are Kelsey, Rebecca, and Christine. Christine showed up about a week ago and we have been pretty much best friends since we met. I spend most of my nights hanging out with them and my roommate/ministry partner Dan. We usually watch movies or play pointless games such as Dominoes, Phase Ten, and hopefully Spades as soon as I teach them to play. I really feel like I am in college again, except no papers or homework. I spend my days working and then at night we all usually end up hanging out. They really have become my best friends and its amazing that when you are put into a situation where you don't know anyone how fast you can get to know people. I also feel very blessed by God to have met them because they are very much like me and we all pretty have the same system of beliefs. We are also about the only people here that don't drink, smoke, and party, which is most of the employees here. I'm trying to build relationship with people outside that group, but it has been very challenging because of the fact that I don't really drink, smoke or party. It seems that that goes on a lot here and its hard to break into the group unless you are a part of that. Slowly, but surely though we are dragging some of them into our lives and adventures.

We recently found probably that best pizza place ever and I think are going to make it a Sunday night tradition to go there. They have a great deal where you can get a large pizza, an order of cheesy bread and 4 drinks for $24.99. My hope is that this group that goes for pizza only gets bigger and can begin to include more and more employees. This last week I dragged my friend along that I work with, who is not a Christian, but interested and open in talking about his beliefs. It was great and I think he is beginning to realize that we aren't all that lame and can have fun all the same. He comes from a church background, but was very hurt by some things that happened in his church earlier in life and therefore doesn't give religion much of a chance due to his experience.

My job is going very well. It's nice and relaxing and I love meeting all the different people that come through, especially if they are from North Carolina or Florida. I actually met a couple that goes to a United Methodist Church in Greensborough, NC and everything just short of offered me an internship at the church, but gave me their contact info for when I get back to Durham...crazy I know! This last week we had 5 people at our 8am freezing cold outdoor service (40 degrees!!!!) and then 12 people at our 10am much more comfortable service at the Bryce Canyon Lodge. I spoke this last week about experiencing silence and solitude in our lives, which is from my last post. It went well and everyone was very encouraging.

I spend most of my days off exploring the area surrounding Bryce Canyon. I will post some pictures, but we have hiked to some slot canyons, been offroading in my truck a couple of times ( I promise we are careful, Dad), hiked to Calf's Creek Falls, and drove to Cedar City and back (saw the most awesome sunset ever). Every weekend is going to be a new adventure and I am taking advantage of every opportunity to get out and explore and hike. There is nothing like it in the world and I couldn't ask for a better way to spend my summer.

Ok, thats enough for now. Thanks for all the prayers.

Also my mailing address is :

Brett Fox
PO Box 640320
Bryce, UT 84764

If you would like to send a package:
The address is:

Brett Fox
Bryce Canyon Lodge
Hwy 63
Bryce, UT 84764

If you would like, I would appreciate care packages. I like cherry peel and eat twizzlers, jolly ranchers, goldfish, and most anything else you would like to send...also Duke paraphernalia would be awesome as well, mainly to irritate Kelsey who goes to UNC.

More to come later....

Enjoying the Silence

2009-05-24T09:44:00.000-07:00

I have been here for about 4 days. I have already met some very interesting people. The employees are an extremely eclectic group of individuals. They all have the unique personalities and quirks. This sort of thing happens I guess when you bring a group of people together that are transient people or seasonal workers. They may work at the Ski Resorts during the winter and then come down to work in the National Parks during the summer. I wish I could live like that, on the road, living out off of what I can fit in my car. It's seems so amazing to have that kind of freedom. Honestly, though I feel like I would miss the community that you can experience when you live in the same place for a while. I already miss Durham a lot and really miss Emmaus Way. There are a few other people here that I know are Christians and a few that I think might be on the edge, but are really just searching for anything. I have really enjoyed my time here.

Yesterday, I went hiking on Peekaboo Loop. This trail was about 5 miles long, dove 1500 feet into the canyon and then we had to climb back out at the end. It was pretty brutal at times. It drizzled rain most of the day yesterday which turns red clay in to a weird sticky mud. My boots had an average of about 1-2 inches of mud on them at all times which made hiking intersting considering my feet felt like the weighed about 10 lbs more than usual. I went with 3 other people. Victor, who is from Thailand, Rebecca, who is from Montana, and Kelsey, who by my surprise is from Charlotte, NC and goes to UNC @ Chapel Hill. I was slightly amazed when I found that out and we had an instant connection because of the fact that we basically live in the same town. It's so amazing that I can drive 40 hours across the country only to find someone who drove the same 40 hours only a week before me. I really enjoyed the hike. There weren't many tourists out hiking because of the rain so it really gave us some time to be alone. The only thing we heard most of the time was the squich and squelch of our muddy boots.

Friday night after work, I decided to go on a walk by myself to read, journal, and mainly just get away from everything for a few minutes. I wandered upon a trail called queens garden. For one of the few moments in my life I experienced true silence. It was in this silence that I was really able to clear my mind and begin to hear God. While I sit up on a hill in the canyon in dead silence listening to God, I just imagined all the hustle and bustle going on elsewhere in the world. It's amazing to me that I can just sit and listen to beautiful silence in the shade of the canyon, while other people are running around with always something else to do, fighting through traffic, fighting with their spouse, fighting with their church. I feel like there is always something to do no matter where we are in life. There is always another appointment to get to, another paper to turn in, another person to keep in touch with. Why don't we take more time for ourselves? Why do we get so caught up in this world that we forget to take time to simply sit in silence with God? I am the first to admit that I am terrible at this, it is a lot easier for me to sit in front of a computer or tv and find something to take up my time. One of my goals when I get back to Durham is going to be take time every day or so, simply to get away and rest in silence. I would encourage anyone, no matter where you are or what you are doing to take advantage of any time that God provides for you to find silence. It is in the silence that we can truly hear God and truly understand what it is that God wants for our life.

Home Sweet Home

2009-05-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

Finally Made It...and started working

2009-05-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I made it!!! It only took me about 40 hours of driving over 5 days. It was a great trip and I am very grateful for family and friends that helped me along the way. Thank you Susan, Robert, John, and Debbie for opening your homes to me and for cooking 2 great dinners for me.

If you ever have the chance to drive from Denver, CO to Southern Utah, I would highly recommend it. It is the most beautiful part of the country in my opinion. Starting in the Rockies, I was able to drive across the continental divide which is breathtaking (literally, it was hard to breathe) and then after crossing the mountains drove through the canyons and mountains of Utah and Colorado. It was so amazing how the landscape would completely change about every 30 miles or so. Every area was so completely different and I have never been so amazed by the beauty of what God can do in my whole life. I will have pictures posted on facebook if you are interested. I only took about 570 pictures in two days of driving. I took a lot of them while I was driving (not very safe) so some of them didn't turn out, but you will be able to see the change in landscape in those albums.

Driving 2500 miles takes forever and I really enjoyed the drive and even though it sounds terrible I would do it again all over...and will in about 3 months. I could not ask for a better way to start my summer. I finished my audio book, "The Davinci Code" by the time I got to Denver so I was able to really enjoy the beauty of Colorado and Utah without distraction.

I arrived here in Bryce around 1:45 pm yesterday and immediately went to fill out paper work and then meet my manager. I was a little worried about this part because I will be working with this person all summer long and I could be really good or really bad. His name is Ken and is a great guy and one of the nicest people I have ever met. He knew that I was from A Christian Ministry in the National Parks and immediately opened up with the fact that he knew who I was and....was REALLY EXCITED FOR ME TO BE HERE!!! He said that there was no one here last year from the ministry and he was left to try and lead the bible studies himself, which is not his gift according to him. He said that he really missed have someone here last year and was excited to see what God has in store us and will do everything and anything he can. This was incredibly calming and just shows God's providence in our lives. Out of all the managers that I could have been working with, I ended up working with the one who loves our ministry and will come to everything with us and help lead the ministry. He said that he could probably name the 5 other people that will come to our services and bible studies, but is excited to get things started and see what kind of impact we can have.

I also received some other great news on Monday while driving through Kansas. While at a rest area with wireless internet (crazy, I know), I checked my email and received an email from another member of our ministry team who had been added on late, but was already here in the park. She is actually going to be our team leader, she graduated from Boston University with a Masters of Divinity a year ago. She is going to be a hostess in the dining room and is somewhere in her 60's maybe. I am really thankful to have one more person on our team and especially her because from what I can tell most of the staff that are going to be interested in our ministry are a little bit older and she may help us learn to relate more effectively.

God just keeps opening my eyes to more and more ways that he is working and has been working here in Bryce before I even arrived. I have been fairly stressed out about this summer, but have begun to realize that God has been in control of this situation way before I even thought about coming here.

I know this is long, but I'm almost finished. Today was my first day at work. I am working at the General Store, which mainly provides services for visitors camping in the park and those hiking, since it is very close to the main trail head. We sell everything from grocery items to beer to post cards and camping equipment. This job is going to be very low stress and I am very excited because I have been in a high stress job for about a year and will be going to grad school in the fall and this will be a nice break.

The only thing I ask is that you pray for me and the employees I am working along side. I feel like I have a target on me already since I am with the ministry and my manager made sure to tell everyone about me before I actually met them. This is a good thing though and when I met one of the guys, within the first 5 seconds he asked me about Duke and then about ministry. He then told me that he had a friend once that had gone to seminary and they had talked a little about God, but not much. He said that he has made a lot of dumb choices in life, has been to AA, and has never really found his higher calling, but really wants to talk to me about it and hear my thoughts. Crazy! I just met this guy. I know this post is random and I don't know when my internet will work again so I figure I would just get it all out as quickly as possible before I forgot everything.

Thanks for all the support and prayer

The beginning of a journey

2009-05-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I am leaving tomorrow morning at 5 am sharp, hopefully. I really have to though, so I have been told, because I am going to a worship service tomorrow night in Nashville w/ Nancy that she neglected to tell me about. It should be interesting because she called to tell me about and warned me that it will be fairly charismatic, so that should be fun. Then our plans are to go and see a late night viewing of Angels and Demons. I think tomorrow is going to be the longest day of my life.

I can't wait to get on the road. It is going to be a long journey and I am still pretty nervous about being in Bryce Canyon, but I have never driven across country and am excited to see everything. My goal is to document as much as possible with pictures and journal as well so that I won't forget anything.

Tomorrow will be the hardest drive because I am going all the way to Nashville which is about 12 hours from Lakeland. I am staying with Nancy, who I grew up next door to and is basically my sister (not kidding). I haven't seen her in forever and can't wait to spend some time with her. After that I will be off to Kansas City, MO to stay the night with my dad's sister and that will be about a 9 hour drive. The my last stop before Bryce will be in Denver to stay with some of my dad's cousins. It is really nice that I have nice comfortbale places to stay and will hopefully get free dinners as well. If anyone has any advice of cools things to see along that route please let me know. I plan on taking my time going through the Rockies because I have always wanted to drive through them and can't wait.

I really need to go to bed now because tomorrow morning is going to come early. Please keep me and my truck in my prayers. Thanks Mom and Dad for helping me out with new shocks and belts and helping me get all packed up to go. Thanks for all the prayers and please just also pray that the employees and visitors in the park will have open hearts to the ministry that we are bringing (whatever that turns out to be).

Getting Ready

2009-05-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

So I have never done this before, but a few people asked me to set something up so they can keep track of me this summer.

For those who don't know, this summer I will be working in Bryce Canyon National Park. I am partnering with a ministry called, "A Christian Ministry in the National Parks," while also working a full-time job in the park to support myself financially (visit acmnp.com for more info). In the park I will be working a retail job at the gift shop, making very little money, but will have housing and food provided for me at a minimal cost, along with the opportunity to live in a National Park for the summer. Bryce Canyon is a small park, but has many opportunities for hiking and sightseeing, and is also fairly close to 3 other national parks. It is also at 8000 feet, so I hope that it won't take too long for me to adjust to the alititude. I can't wait to get out there, but will have quite an adventure to get there.

Due to the nature of the ministry, I feel very obligated to have a car while I am there. I will be leaving Lakeland, FL on May 15th or 16th to drive from here to Bryce Canyon, Utah. It is going to be the longest drive of my life, but at least I have three free places to stay and will get to visit with friends in family (my stops include: Nashville, Kansas City, and Denver). Right now I am still at home in Lakeland relaxing and soaking up the beach, fishing, and comfort of home while I still can. If anyone still wants to ride with me and then fly home, feel free to email me.

A little info about the ministry: Our main job in the park is to serve as leaders of interdenominatial Christian services every weekend for visitors camping and staying in the park. My ministry partner Dan and I will be taking turns speaking ( I don't like the word "preaching) every week and will both take part in leading worship musically (which makes me nervous). This is the formal part of the ministry and while I am excited about this, I am much more intrugued by the informal side of minsitry in the park.

We will be living with other employees, most of whom are non-Christians. These people will be our peers and friends while living there. It is simply our privilege to get to know them and be in community with them all summer long. I am looking forward to setting up game nights, barbeques, and hikes with other people living and working in the park with us. I am much more excited about this aspect of the ministry than the formal simply because I feel that transformation in peoples lives comes through God working through the relationships that we build with people rather the preaching that we can deliver on a Sunday morning. I hope and pray that these friendships, whether they see us a Christian's or just friends who love hanging out and going hiking togther, will be friends, will be an impact on my life as much as it is on theirs.

Please pray for me as I travel over the next weekend and go into a place I have never been where I don't know anyone. And for those of you who know me well, know that this scares the crap out of me.

Sorry this post is so long, but figured I would start out this whole blogging thing with a bang. More to come as I drive cross country and begin this adventure that God is allowing me to pursue.

btw, I got into Duke Divinity School!!!